I will Recover, I will be stronger, I will return...

April 23, 2018

One thing my mental health journey has taught me; Resiliance. When the chips are down and there is only one option, make a second. I will recover. I will be stronger. I will return. Severe ligament damage in my right ankle from football. Here’s to my recovery, let’s own this.

 

 First things first, Im not going anywhere; okay that is true in a literal sence, however this blog/website is temporarily going to be my recovery back into running so this platform, although is fairly new, is going to be kept up to date. This will also be a good test and my development into mental health as this is now unfamilliar territory; an unfamiliar territory which petrifies me to think it has an all too familiar outcome...

 

Psychosis.

 

 

Running and exersize was my outlet, my time to vent any pressure, stress and also to help me feel good. now this is plugged like the fatburg in london's sewers; I need a temporary hobby.

 

Recently, I have sought help though the NHS Steps2Change service which is a self-referal platform for those who are suffering from depressive illness symptoms. Dont worry im fine, no relapse here, but I think ive got abit of a problem with self image.

 

Like most children growing up I was bullied and beaten pretty much every day at school because of being on the more chunky side. This has unfortunatly still taking its toll to this day as im doing a body weight every day, im looking in the mirror more, and im also pinching myself (not in self harm) to grab any ounce of fat and then deem my self as obese. I think i need help with this so im going down this avenue, looks like I could be reciving more CBT (Cognative Behavioural Therapy) to help.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yep - these are both me growing up...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This being said, Last thing i need to do is worry. That not going to solve anything but end up making my psyche going down the elusive rabbit hole to the depths of dispair called depression. This is my recovery now and i need to rest. My chips are down and im going to come back stronger, im going to come back more determined, and im going to come back with avengence.

 

Anyway, that being said im sure your all dying to know what hapened. Well every sunday i play 6-a-side football for a tea called Lakeside Imps FC which I put togehter with some of the top blokes ive ever met. its ncie to be in an envrionement where okay we get frustrated with one another but every week we meet up, have a laugh and have fun doing so. About 3 - 4 minuets into the game, I rolled my ankle and felt alot of cracking and a big pop! I yelped and came off the pitch, in about the same time, i could run and jump on it so i thought nothing of it.

 

About Twenty minuets into the game, i went for the ball like a fat kid on a cupcake and this time did it again (the opposition tackling me at the same time didnt help) but this time something esle was different. I coulnt move my entire foot - Adding onto this, at time of writing which is about 25 hours after it happened, and I still can't.

 

Thanks to my team mates, and the Lesiure Leagues staff, i was carried off into my team mates mercades and then taken to hospital (Atleast i get to go to accident and emergency in style!)

 

I went through an entire bottle of Entinox (Nitrous Oxide) and given some really strong pain killers. X-rays complete and a doctor emerged, "Its not broken from what we can see, You need to come back to fracture clinic for an MRI and an ultrasound to check ligaments and cartilage. you'll definately be in a boot, but its a possibility for surgery."Not the best news in the world but it is what it is. First rule is, I need to accept whats happened and this recovery process is going to have to happen. To quote the million dollar man: "We have the technology, we can fix him".

 

On a personal note this is a kick in the teeth as this month Ive entered the north lincolnshire half marathon and also tough mudder. Guess these aren't happening but atleast lets use this as fuel to get stronger and come back fighting!

 

 Atleast we won 3-4 though!

 

So lets make this a Motivational thing. All those going through recovery, lets do this together. It will be steady but ill be right here every step of the way and we will get there.

 

Thanks for reading and until i get my next prognosis on wednesday (next blog thursday/friday)

 

Stay safe, stay strong!

 

MentalHealthRunner

P.S - Well done to all those who ran the london marathon!

 

 

 

 

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